Adjustment Period

Okay, so my life in Florida consisted of being a single mom, always on the go, completely career driven, social butterfly.  Now, that we're in Texas, I'm a pseudo mom to four kiddos who works from home and is basically playing "housewife."  In other words... I'm having some trouble adjusting.  Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love being here!  I finally have the family I wanted with a man who is nothing short of amazing, I maintained my job from Florida by working from home and still get to exercise my brain and have a significant income, and I have an incredible family (both mine and his) and friend base that is rock solid with no drama at all!  So, what the hell is so difficult for me???  I just can't seem to figure it out. 

The first week was cake... I kicked into "mommy" mode and had a lot to keep me busy, but now that we're settling in a bit, I've found myself getting overwhelmed more and more often throughout the day.  I don't understand it!  Chaos = calm and satisfied, but Comfortable = overwhelmed and uneasy.  That just doesn't make any sense.

I'm sure this is all just part of the adjustment period, but I really hope this unsettling feeling disappears really soon because it is not fun.  Plus, Brendon apparently picks up on my moods way too easily which is a good and a bad thing.  He's so good to me that he doesn't need to be burdened by the fact I'm quite apparently insane!  (At least not in this scenario - LOL.)

A Completely Different Path

Life is crazy.  It leads you in so many different directions that you sometimes never planned for.  I've been on a steady track for quite some time now... slowly rolling down a path that involves a daily lesson in motherhood, steady progression in career and admittedly a mundane lifestyle, for the past 10 years.  Of course, there have been a few bumps or twists and turns, but it has always seemed to continue down that track.  But, in the past couple of months, my path seemed to circle back around to middle school science class and a boy that I thought never even noticed I was there.  To say the very least, I was quite wrong.  And now, that boy has not only changed the path I was headed down but has changed the track I was on completely, and I couldn't be happier. 

Admittedly, I am not the spontaneous type.  I used to be a pretty wild and crazy teenager, to say the least, but in my "adult" years it's hard for friends to even convince me to go out for a night.  I never do anything without making plans and when it comes to life-altering changes... forget about it!  It takes months for me to even wrap my head around the idea.  So, the fact that this man has me so in love with him that I'm packing up everything and moving across the country in three weeks, is completely insane!  Yet, at the same time, it all makes perfect sense. 

It's a very surreal feeling.  I was "okay" before him... living day to day without upset and in a sort of scheduled solitude.  But now that he's in my life again, I have no idea how I lived without him for so many years.  He surprises me daily with how much more complete he makes me.  Even just the thought of being with anyone else is humorous to me.  It's not even possible.  My previous relationships were just a learning experience, leading up to this man.  And the most surreal part of it all... he feels the same way.

What happened to that cynical bitch who vowed that love never truly exists, that it's just a test to find someone you can stand to be with for an extended amount of time?  Now I'm a love-sick puppy who is counting the seconds until I get to even speak to him again?  What the hell?  LOL.  Emotions are not supposed to be my forte.  I thought that part of me was broken, to be honest.  I will probably spend the rest of my life trying to figure out how he broke down all of the walls I had put up like they didn't even exist. 

Now, I'm looking forward to the future with overwhelming excitement.  I can see my entire life wrapped up in his arms, with the two of us, the kiddos and the metaphoric white picket fence I never thought I wanted and I'm loving every minute of it!  I guess this is what love and life is really all about.   

Eccentricies

I've taken 3 showers today.  Yes... 3 (three).  I know that makes me weird and slightly OCD, but there's another reason for it other than getting clean.  I do my best thinking in a candlelit shower.  Some people speed through showers, some sing in the shower, some do... well... other things in the shower.  But, not me.  Not weirdo Kelly.  Weidro Kelly thinks in the shower.  And, I've been planning and thinking a lot today, obviously.  Oh!  And sometimes I'll even smoke a cigarette in there, too, just to top it off.

I also feel strongly about odd numbers.  If I'm making myself something to drink and the ice cubes are larger, I ALWAYS put an odd number of ice cubes in the glass.  Volume on the television?  Odd number.  Lotto numbers?  Odd.  Number on the pump I pull up to at the gas station?  Odd.  Number of sugar packets I use in my coffee?  Odd.  Number of examples I've just given (including this one)?  Odd.

I've got this weird thing about cleaning, too.  When I clean, I always start in the kitchen.  Even if it's already clean, I always start there.  And, I have to either leave the water running or have music on.  Something about the noise keeps me motivated, which I need because I hate cleaning.  I always seem to put shoes on when I clean, too.  That one is beyond even my own understanding.

Hmmm... Let's see... Oh!  I have an actual system down for eating M&M's.  First, I sort them into colors.  Then, if each pile doesn't have the same number (odd number, of course), then I eat them one by one until each pile is uniform.  After that's settled, I then eat one from each color until they are all gone and in rainbow order, too.  I love M&M's, but I don't seem to eat them much since my stupid process takes so damn long!

I make lists for everything I can!  Budgets, plans, to do lists for the day, to do lists for a single project, 5 yr plans, 10 yrs plans, grocery lists, etc.  You name it, I can probably make a list for it.  And, it can't be just a skribbled out mess on a piece of paper, either.  I will actually re-write a list if I'm not happy with my handwriting.  Same thing goes for reports or assignments that are hand written.  I've actually re-written a 5 page report because it was in pen and I made a mistake that I had to cross it out.

The worst part?  These are just a few of the MANY eccentricities that plague me every day.  Now, I should be satisfied with what I've writen and leave it at that, but that would mean having an even number of paragraphs. So, just to continue with the weirdness...

Goodnight.

Pansy Ass Parents

Here's the set-up:  You're in the grocery store, slightly aggrevated from a frustrating day at work but not letting it get to you because you have an amazing meal planned.  You've picked out all of your ingredients and made your way up to the registers to check-out when you notice a small child, accompanied by an adult, begging for some form of candy.  The adult is telling the child 'no' repetitively when all of a sudden, the kid SNAPS, throws himself on the floor, and starts screaming, crying and yelling at the adult.  What does the adult do?  The adult starts to plead with the child, talking to them in the least offensive voice possible and explaining to all of the surrounding people that the child is 'sensative' while the damn kid is pulling things off of the shelves and hitting the adult.

Really?  REALLY?  You've got to be KIDDING me!!  Don't try to explain to me why you're a pansy and letting your kid beat your ass.  I'd rather you pick your damn kid up off the floor, plant a swift kick in his ass and be a frickin' PARENT for Christ's sake!  You're letting a two foot tall CHILD control YOU!

These parents these days are so afraid to discipline their kids!  What is that about?!  What are you going to tell your kid when he gets older?  "It's okay, honey... I know that you robbed a liquor store, but I told the nice officer that you're 'sensative,' so he's not going to arrest you."?????  Yeah, that's going to work out really well for ya, lady.  *rolls eyes*  There really should be an application process for people to be able to procreate.  But, then again, maybe I wouldn't have a kid.  LOL

I just don't get it...

"So there's this boy I like, but he doesn't like me.  He likes my friend, but my friend doesn't like him.  She likes this other boy, but..." blah, blah, blah.  That is what I hear from the moment I  wake her up until the moment I drop her off at school.  It's what I like to call 'preteen babble.'  I'm supposed to understand since I used to speak it, but I really don't.  It's high-pitched, never-ending and horribly confusing.

I've been trying to be one of those super cool moms that can speak the lingo and then offer advise that her child thinks is totally cool... yeah, not happening.  I just wind up sitting there with a dazed looked on my face, feeling like i'm slowly losing brain cells.

Admittedly, sometimes I can't wait to drop her off so that I can crank up the music and go completely numb for my short, 30 minute drive to work.  Does that make me a bad mom?  Am I the only mom that is completely confused by her child?  Ugh!  ThereI go again... over-analyst, party of one!

My father would have a field day with this one, I'm sure of it.  I can hear his gut wrenching laugh now, followed by an off-key rendition of "Welcome to My World."

PS - Dad, I know revenge is sweet, but this is just down right torture.  LOL

What am I thinking???

What in the world am I thinking?  I'm not the type of person that "blogs."  Stuff like that is for teenagers or middle-aged men that still live with their mothers and have nothing better to do!  This is ridiculous.

Yet, here I am... Typing away on this crazy little phone that seems to do everything except cook breakfast for you in the morning.  And yes, I said phone, not computer.  I have way too much to do to be sitting behind a computer screen for any more than the 9 hours a day I have to for work.

I guess I have to do something to save my sanity.  They say you're not crazy if you talk to yourself, but when you start answering or arguing with yourself... well, that's a whole different story.  Yeah, I'm way beyond that by now.  In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm on a whole different level of crazy these days.

See, I'm a 27 yr old single mom, daughter, sister, friend, full-time paralegal, housekeeper, dog walker, "artist," and very rarely a lover... all in that order, and all wrapped into one.  It's a crazy, busy life, but it's the one I've chosen for myself.  For better or for worse.

So, a friend of mine suggested that I start a blog in an attempt to get all of my "crazy" put into one outlet.  I'm pretty sure she's also hoping it will turn into some sort of public humiliation that she can use for her own entertainment, but hey... that's what friends are for.  So, I guess I'll give this a try and see how it works.  Here goes nothin'!